3/2/2005    MAASA Program "Navigating the Teen Years   -    Madison Eagle

The first program in the MAASA (Madison Alliance Against Substance Abuse) spring series “Navigating the Teen Years” was Wednesday, February 16.  Speaker Lona Whitmarsh, Psychology professor at Fairleigh Dickinson University presented a talk titled “Launching Your Teen – Steps Toward Independence” to a large audience of parents at Madison High School.

Ms. Whitmarsh, a unique and enthusiastic speaker, engaged the audience immediately by presenting a suitcase filled with objects illustratrating some of the critical issues of adolescence: a bag of personal hygiene products, a stuffed animal, food items, CDs, tickets and a few other things representing factors in maturation.

 

Ms. Whitmarsh discussed the four major parenting styles ranging from authoritarian to indifferent, and the characteristics and outcomes of each.  While reminding the audience that the parenting styles were generalizations, Whitmarsh stated that parents who enforce the necessary rules and have clear expectations of mature behavior while being responsive to their children by listening and negotiating have the most positive outcomes.  This style is most likely to help children toward independence and autonomy. 

She gave several down-to-earth examples of parenting to illustrate the idea that the more involved a parent is, the better the adolescent years will be.  Her major points included:

-         Parents need to regulate their own emotions: “You, the parent, are the stable one, the home base”. When your teen wants your company one minute and pushes you away the next, avoid taking it personally.  This is normal teenage behavior related to the struggle for independence. Kids learn how to manage their own emotions by watching parents regulate theirs in tough situations.

-         Let teens make choices about their own activities, but insist on following through on what has been started.  Adolescence is a time to learn about decision making.  Encourage them to find the most satisfying subjects for themselves in school, and support activities that will not only fit their interests but will also give them adult mentors outside the family. 

-         Don’t label kids negatively.  Calling kids lazy or stupid, even if the parent doesn’t mean it seriously, can easily become an identity for a child.

-         Be clear about your expectations with statements like “I was hoping you would…” rather than “You didn’t…”

-         Be as respectful to your teen as you would be to someone outside the family, and insist that your teen do the same.

-         A parent is a child’s mirror: we reflect back to kids what we think of them, and this becomes the basis of their self-image. 

 

The journey of parenthood begins with keeping babies safe, and as time goes on we give kids the skills to keep themselves safe.  Their requirements change from needing parents physically as children to needing parents psychologically as adolescents.   The ultimate parenting job is to let the child ‘fly away’ when the time is right, into a fulfilling adult life. 

“Navigating the Teen Years” continues on Wednesday, March 16 at 7:30 with “Party Know-How part I: Teen Parties and Consequences” in the Madison High School Cafeteria.  Madison Judge Gary Troxell, Prosecutor James DeMarzo, Juvenile Officer Wayne Reed and School Officer Liaison Lisa Esposito will participate in a panel discussion about teen parties and what parents need to know about limitations and laws.

The final part of the series, “Party Know-How part II: Teen Party Survival Tips” will be on Monday, April 11 at 7:30 in the Madison High School Cafeteria.  Gerard Barone, LCSW, Clinical Director of the High Focus Center in Parsippany will discuss what really goes on at teen parties, and parents’ roles.  What kinds of limits need to be set, should other parents be called?  What about explaining expectations and chaperoning?  What is normal adolescent behavior vs. substance abusing adolescent behavior?  Can parties be both fun and safe? 

“Navigating the Teen Years” is for parents of teens and pre-teens; parents and guardians only, no students please.  Programs are free and no registration is necessary.  Visit www.maasa.org for information.